Post by overboost44 on Dec 21, 2012 21:04:41 GMT -4
Out before the holidays. Be safe always: Please, take care of yourself. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by jerks who drink bottled water, Starbucks, soda, juice, energy drinks and crap like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents. This message is sent to you by someone who is a drinker and worries about your safety.
Post by bluecrabber on Dec 24, 2012 9:11:37 GMT -4
Did you hear the one about the Sheriff Deputy who was sitting out in front of the Jetty one night at closing time watching for inebriated customers to get in their car and drive away?
He watched till almost closing time.. and here he comes. The guy can hardly walk. Stumbles over to his car fumbling around in all of his pockets for keys.. He even sits down on the curb for a while and tries to sing like Elvis.. After a while he eventually gets up and finally gets the car door open. Gets in but can't get the key in the ignition. The Deputy has been patient for the last 20 minutes, and the parking lot is now virtually empty, and the Drunk Bus is long gone, but he is sure this guy is going to start the car and that's when the Deputy will bust him..
He finally gets the car started and fumbles to get it in gear and the Deputy moves in. Gets the guy out of the car with much effort. Asks him to walk a straight line with one foot in front of the other.. Naturally, the guy can't do it and falls down again. Asks him to close his eyes and touch the tip of his nose with a finger.. the guys keeps poking himself in the eye.. The Deputy gets out the Breathalizer and tells the guy to blow. The guy blows weakly and the Deputy tells him he has to do it again and blow real hard. Finally the guy does give a good blow and the Deputy looks at the reading.. WTH?? The guys just blew 0.0.. The Deputy shakes the Breathalizer and tells the guy to blow again.. same thing. 0.0..
The Deputy asks the guy how in the heck can you blow 0.0 when you appear to be drunk as a skunk??
The guy finally responds: "It's my night to be the Designated Decoy"
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