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Post by bluecrabber on May 25, 2011 20:41:56 GMT -4
Can anyone explain to me when it became SOP to ask a five year what they want?
Nuts.
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Post by shorti on May 26, 2011 7:22:47 GMT -4
kinda vague here.... in what context? like they were ordering at mcdonalds or were at the grocery store & picking out cereal???
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Post by bluecrabber on May 26, 2011 8:38:21 GMT -4
Well, it doesn't really matter.. let me give you an example that I think I related on this board a while back.
Dunkin Donuts. Early morning.. several people in line. A guy is there with three kids probably ages 3-6 (actually, it might have been four). He is trying to buy a dozen donuts. He is asking the kids what kind of donuts they want..
Can you imagine the conversation and the mind changing and the arguing and the whining and the crying while people are in line behind this guy?? The counter person was rolling her eyes at the those of us in line.. This guy had the counter tied up for 5 minutes or more..
A couple people in line behind me left in disgust after standing there and watching this ridiculous public display of how not to be a parent for a few minutes.
Seems to me silly to ask a kid what kind of donut they want. I told my kids when they were little they don't get to vote until they are 18. Until then, Mom and I made the decisions for them.
I made this post since I have seen a flurry of such adult subservience to toddlers over the last several days.
OK, I will get off the whining box.
Best regards, BC
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Post by jetskibrat on May 26, 2011 17:06:10 GMT -4
I have been in places like that and I use to feel like you did. UNTIL I met a man who lost loved ones in World Trade Center on 9-11 I will never forget hiim saying my brother who died in 9-11 would have loved to be able to stand in line anywhere WOW we need to slooooow down and enjoy each day. but you can whine on here I sympathize with ya.
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Post by bluecrabber on May 26, 2011 18:34:20 GMT -4
Hmmm.. ok, but I think you missed my point. I don't mind waiting in line. My point was adults (parents) are asking toddlers what THEY want to do or what THEY want to eat, or where THEY want to go.
Ridiculous and reminds me of why so many of our youth have no respect for any authority or rules.. they are taught to get their way from infancy, by parents who have lost sight of what it means to be a mentor as well as a caregiver.
Best regards, BC
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Post by speedergurl68 on May 26, 2011 19:29:18 GMT -4
There is some misguided idea that parents are supposed to be friends with their children. Personally, I believe that my children HAVE friends...they NEED parents. I don't make my decisions based on if they "hate" me or not....they can "hate" me all the way to college if they want to. My job as a parent (IMHO) is to train my child to be a part of productive society, to think and act responsibly and to know how to function in the real world.
Do I try to get things for them they like as treats and such...well, of course...however....if they don't like what I offer they are more than welcome to get a job and get their own...and if they can't - they should aim to do exactly that. Just my two cents - probably worth less than that.
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Post by island tech on May 26, 2011 20:50:31 GMT -4
It drives me nuts when parents over protect their kids. Like when one parent gets mad when the other assigns chores for the kids. Drives me CRAZY!
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Post by bchevy on May 26, 2011 21:02:15 GMT -4
My biggest pet peave on over parenting parents...
If someone asks your kid a question, LET THEM ANSWER IT! It's rude and ignorant to constantly anser for your kids. This is people skills and they need it, not to mention if it's a relative that they'll see more of anyway.
At the dinner table, big family gathering, Don't ask the kid a million yes/no questions like "do you want this"? do you want that"? Make then speak up, Make them at least TRY to tell you WHAT they want...
ahhh, that felt good
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Post by mcbeth on May 26, 2011 22:04:45 GMT -4
If the parent really wanted the kids' input, he should have asked ahead of time, and then ordered FOR them. Kids would get a part in the decision, but parent gets final say at the counter.
I don't mind giving a child options when it's reasonable (I don't mean, "yes, you can have the candy instead of the nutritious meal we are here to eat"). But, tying up a line with a lot of customers behind you is rude.
Can't disagree with the comment on slowing down, tho'. But there is "slowing down to smell the daisies", and then there is "being selfish and rude".
Ok, I guess I really do need to get to sleep early this evening, lol.
;D
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2011 22:32:02 GMT -4
I believe.....if you have never heard or experienced from your parents any of the following in your life, there's been some negligence in your up bringing and explains why some people (kids) turn out the way they are.
"If I have to stop this car"
"I'll give you something to cry about"
"If I have to tell you a second time"
"You live under my house, you live under my rules"
"When your adult and living on your own, you can make the decisions"
"Anything in life worth having doesn't come easy, you have to work for it"
"Hands above the covers"
OK, the last one is a little bit of a joke. But, the other ones are serious. Any others to share?
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Post by dej on May 27, 2011 3:18:27 GMT -4
mj's list sounds like the house I grew up in, although the last one was usually because I got caught reading a book (without pictures  ) by flashlight under the covers |
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Post by speedergurl68 on May 27, 2011 5:25:44 GMT -4
Can we add -
"Because I said so, that's why."
"There's no shame in doing an honest days work for an honest days pay"
"Life isn't fair, get over it"
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Post by einebierbitte on May 27, 2011 6:32:40 GMT -4
I used to think I did a really good job of parenting.... When they were little, I taught them early on that No meant No...not maybe.. or perhaps... Then one day we were in the commissary overseas and they had to be preteens I guess... when they came up to me and said.. Mom if you buy us this then we will do this or whatever else you want, blah, blah blah... My mouth just dropped open and I stared at them both and then i asked them where and when did they think they lived in a democracy, it's a dictatorship until you leave home.... and find your own voice... Negotiations over.... Pissed my kids off, I could see it in their eyes...but they knew better to say anything, so they just turned around and walked out of the store very calmly...They guy behind me about choked on his drink., and told me later that was the best line he ever heard,,,,,
But I see it a lot these days... Kids negotiating for what they want.... I just roll my eyes and move on.... cause it's gonna come back some day and bite them on the butt.....
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Post by shorti on May 27, 2011 7:37:01 GMT -4
True... when we go to a place like DD, i'll ask them what they want while either in the car or standing in line waiting our turn. If they haven't figured it out by the time we get to the counter... it's either you got 2 seconds or... i'll make the choice or you'll get nothing & like it... they've come to learn they know what they want before we park the car  i agree w/ SG68, my kids have friends... i'm their parent... while I think it's important to have a relationship with the kids where they trust you & will come to you when the poop hits the fan (or so they think) in their lives, i think there has to be a definite line of parent-friend. but i believe a good parenting relationship = a good relationship & if they understand the rules & obey them then we parents don't have to be the buttheads we can be in their eyes! My thought is... if my kids hate me (or at minimum get really mad at me) at least once a week then my job is being done well. i have to say though... we've been incredibly blessed... got 4 kids - 15, 14, 12, 10... tough ages... and for the most part (aside from the occasional mouthiness) they are great kids! funny thing is... our "problem child" if you can call it that... is our youngest... the two oldest are better than i can imagine for being their ages... yet the 14 (actually turns 14 this summer) hasn't started HS yet & she's a girl... so if i can remember that stage in my life accurately... well i know theres some hard times coming for her. But as it stands right now... all on honor roll... all have pretty much perfect attendance... the oldest plays sports at school, taking honors classes, actively involved in his church youth group... i think that is key... keep 'em active... involved... he loves sports... he can't play if his gpa falls below a 3.0 - my rules, school is 2.0 i think which is unacceptable to me... and if you know me personally... you know the struggles we have with them personally... maybe some of you (ahem sg68) may know more than you wanna... |
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Post by shorti on May 27, 2011 7:40:23 GMT -4
oh & let me add to the what my parent's said list.... i hated this when i was a kid... now, i say it all the time... it's good to want... it builds character.... life's full of little heartaches... however they bring a smile to my face... my dad used to say this to me all the time (oh yeah i was one of THOSE kids)... and i remember when i got older... he was saying something & i got to turn the tables on him & say them to him... the look on his face was priceless & he just smiled & laughed & said "you got me there" and one more thing.... to try to keep it all in perspective... i remember what i was like as a teenager especially... and thank God that my kids aren't anywhere close to what i was like!!!! if being mouthy from time-to-time is the worst of it.. well then secretly i'm ok with that... they'll never know that... |
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Post by imazpa on May 27, 2011 12:29:42 GMT -4
My dad would tell me:
When I said "if I had ....": "If a toadie frog had wings he woudln't bump his butt when he hopped"
When I said "I want...": " You can want in one hand and s@#t in the other, see which one gets full first"
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Post by Water Lady on May 27, 2011 13:49:30 GMT -4
I can still remember the following... "Don't  at me!" "Wipe that ;D off your face!" "Don't act so  ...you knew what would happen if..." "Turning on the  isn't going to help you at this point..." "You should be  , that was a real bone-headed thing you did..." And...my all-time favorite... "I love you...and this will hurt me more than it will hurt you...  |
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Post by bluecrabber on May 27, 2011 14:04:14 GMT -4
Just wait until your Dad gets home!
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Post by shadow1 on May 27, 2011 14:14:40 GMT -4
I remembering my father saying "what were you thinking?" Based on the subject of this thread, we can ask that of many parents |
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Post by island tech on May 27, 2011 22:14:19 GMT -4
Just wait until your Dad gets home! Man I hated that. Makes me cringe reading it. I don't like when my wife says that to my kids. After not seeing them all day I don't want them to fear my coming home. |
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Post by Rich Fisher on May 27, 2011 22:56:09 GMT -4
I just got the 'look'. Part "you moron", part "you're in for it", and all scary. Worked every time. I'm going to have to work on 'the look' myself...
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Post by speedergurl68 on May 28, 2011 6:39:09 GMT -4
I grew up in a single parent home...I never got that "Wait until your father gets home" bit but I DID get the "Want in one hand and #### in the other and see which one fills up first, you moron you're in for it" Combo look/saying lol
- and BTW....to all of those good for nothing pieces of crap that tried to tell me I was from a "broken" home....NO I wasn't - my home was FIXED when the "broken" part was removed. (Controlling a rant here...reallly.)
And shorti - I know NOTHINK! (really bad Sgt. Shultz impression)
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) by flashlight under the covers
at me!"
...you knew what would happen if..."
isn't going to help you at this point..."
, that was a real bone-headed thing you did..."
Mar 26, 2020 5:47:17 GMT -4
